


there was light in my life

by TrueWords



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fix-It, Nabrina Endgame, Part 4 Fix it, nabrina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:21:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28638438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrueWords/pseuds/TrueWords
Summary: You’re going to bring her back, Sabrina, your Spellman. That’s what you’re going to do.The one where Nick brings Sabrina back, all he needed to do was to find someone or something that could grant him his wish.A simple wish.
Relationships: Nicholas Scratch/Sabrina Spellman
Comments: 4
Kudos: 60





	there was light in my life

**Author's Note:**

> We got Nabrina endgame but at what cost?  
> Or me not being happy with the part 4 finale or the one where Nick doesn't die and he gets the love of his life, Sabrina, back.  
> PS: this was written in one sitting, if you spot any mistakes let me know.

You think you know _pain_. You think you’re used to it, you think you’re okay saying goodbye, goodbye forever, because you did it before. First, it was your Mum and Dad, then it was Amalia, then in some way, it was also the Dark Lord when he showed his true colors.

But no, you don’t know pain, because nothing could have prepared you for this, nothing could have made you ready for that day. That day. _Her funeral._

Saying goodbye to Sabrina Spellman hurt.

That’s all you can say about it, all you can allow yourself to say out loud, because deep inside your mind, deep inside your heart, you don’t want to believe it, you can’t believe it, she’s Sabrina, she’s Spellman, fearless, beautiful, always defiant and always by your side. You miss her, of course, you do, you miss her like you miss the air when you go swimming for too long and too deep and your body reaches its limits. You miss her like you miss food after days spent in the library, reading and forgetting that you do need to eat once in a while. You miss her like you used to miss the Devil, when he had that hold inside of you, that made you hurt in that _special_ way.

You miss her, and you refuse to accept that she’s dead.

This can’t be it, this can’t be the end for her, not like this, not for you, you don’t accept you won’t accept it.

The ceremony is lovely, everyone is paying their respect, everyone is saying goodbye and one by one, they leave, they stop staring at the graves, but you can’t, that SABRINA SPELLMAN is like a slap in the face and you almost, _almost_ , expect her to burst out of the ground and head for the mortuary, with that bounce in her step, her white curls framing her face and that playful smile and a _“Nick, come on inside, it’s late.”_ And then, then she would grab your hand, laughing, guiding you in the dark, upstairs to her bedroom and she’d push you in her bed and straddle you like she loves to do. She never admitted out loud and Sabrina never needed to say it, you knew it was her favorite position and it was yours too. You loved the way she would tower you, and kiss you, again, again and _again_ as if she would never get enough of you.

 _Never_.

“Nicholas... are you okay? Maybe you should come inside, come on...”

Ambrose, it’s Ambrose that brings you back to reality, out of your own memory and you let him grab your shoulders and guide you inside. The house feels empty without her, it is, all the Spellmans look sad and when Ambrose sits you down at the table, you suddenly realize that it’s dinner time, and they are welcoming you. Of course, they do, in a way, they’re your family too. You eat in silence, you have nothing to say and tears still filled up your eyes. They understand, they know, and Zelda doesn’t object when you ask if you can sleep in her room, in her bed. You promise not to disturb anything and you’re glad to close the door behind you, glad to collapse on the bed, and when your head hits the pillow, that’s when the tears come.

You thought you knew pain... you don’t, until now, you didn’t. 

But then, at the witching hour, suddenly, you decide, that it isn’t it. She’s Sabrina Spellman if the roles were reversed, she would... she _would_... she would bring you back, of course, she would. And that’s exactly what you’re going to do.

You’re going to bring her back, Sabrina, your Spellman.

That’s what you’re going to do.

—

You are going to bring back Sabrina, this much you know, but how? How can you do it? That’s the hardest part, but at least, when you wake up, every morning, in her bed, in her place, you have a new mission and your heart is tunning a different beat and it’s comforting. Because once again, you have a purpose, once again, you’re not completely alone, she’s in every single one of your thoughts, Sabrina fuels every single one of your steps, day after day, the necklace around your neck not so heavy after all. She has the other one and soon, they will be reunited, you are sure of it now.

So you spend your days in the Academy’s library and your nights in Ambrose’s one. The other Spellman suspects what you’re trying to do, he even tries to bring you back to reality, to make you understand that there is no way you can bring her back, that she would have wanted you to move on.

“Move on?” You repeat Ambrose’s words, except that in your mouth, between your lips, they are poison and so is the look you throw to the Spellman. “You didn’t just say that Ambrose...”

“Nicholas, I miss her too but... it’s been weeks, I’m afraid you’re... you’re losing yourself. And I can’t allow this to continue, and I’m saying this to you, as a friend...” Ambrose does look concerned at that, but you ignore him, you take the books you need and you leave the Spellman’s house that night, deciding that you will return with her and with her only. It’s not really a home without Sabrina in it, without her to brighten every single room and to make sense of the chaos. Because that’s exactly what she is to you and what she was at least, clarity. Sense. Logic. Reason.

Yes, the half-witch, the woman you loved with your entire heart was untamed, knew what she wanted, didn’t hesitate, she did everything big, there were no half measures about her or with her and you loved that about her. Because you got so lost in between the years, before the Academy and even in the Academy, you worked so hard to be the best Conjurer in the world, you drank, you fucked witches, warlocks, anything that moved, but you were still lost, but not with Sabrina.

And you want that back.

Those weeks turn into months and those months turn into _years_. 

You’re on a wild hunt yourself because necromancy is out of the question and you know that Sabrina would never forgive you for that. Kill someone just to bring her back? She would never allow you to be this selfish, so you need to find another way, some other magic. And there _are_ other magics, you are sure of that, so you travel the world, for years and years, probably looking like a madman and you still carry that pain, that dull ache with you.

Finally, you seem to find some sort of an answer. On another side of the world, chasing a rumor, a goddess for some, a witch for others but a being with great power, enough power to bring Sabrina back without dreadful consequences, you hope.

It’s raining when you arrive at the bar that the woman supposedly frequents. More than that, it seems that the entire sky, the entire black night is crying, crying with you and crying for you, cause you haven’t shed a single tear since her funeral, but tonight... Tonight, you might just drown. Your coat feels heavy on your shoulders, the dark locks are blocking your view, your hair slightly longer now, you ignore all of that and you finally push the door of the bar.

As you make your entrance, all heads turn to you and if you weren’t used to this kind of welcome, you would have been spooked. You’re not, it takes more than a couple of strangers eyeing you up and down to shake Nicholas Scratch, you went to Hell and back, you had the Devil inside of you, you’re in love with a Spellman, really, it takes more than that. 

The walk to the bar counter is slow, because your boots are filled with rain and as you sit down, the bartender sighs loudly, and he doesn’t ask you any question, just pours you a drink.

“Walking in all that rain, _here_ , on the house my friend.” 

You offer your brand new friend a smile, slick, easy, empty and you raise the glass to him. You empty it in one go, you can’t name the alcohol but it’s strong, strong enough to burn your insides, strong enough for your hand to shake as you put down the empty glass, but you remain silent, licking your bottom lip then your upper lip. He pours you another drink and as he does, you pull out a picture of who you’re looking for out of thin air. You slide the picture to him and he has a pause, another deep sigh, and motions for you to follow him. 

You do so after finishing your second drink, you’re not about to refuse free alcohol, after all, the trip to this establishment was hellish, and to be honest, you are tired. You haven’t slept in days, chasing rumors and in unfamiliar territory. Nobody tried to kill you or attack you but you feel the edge of an invisible sword over your head, more and more these days.

You just need Sabrina back, and then it’ll be _okay_. 

That’s what you tell yourself as you follow him, what you repeat to yourself as you are being led to a backroom, the sound of the rain against the roof is loud enough to wake the dead, and that’s perfect, right? No, what’s perfect is when the bartender opens another door and finally, finally, your eyes land on what you were looking for.

Her.

The goddess, the mother of all wishes, a djinn according to some of your sources, a very powerful witch according to others. She sits on the floor, wearing a black dress, matching her long black hair, and it is very hard for you to determine where her hair ends and the dress begins, hard to see in this candlelight and with all the smoke in the room. She’s the one smoking, long pipe at the corner of her mouth as her gaze ends up on you and it is as if someone is finally looking at you.

Really seeing you, and seeing everything you’ve been pushing far away all those years. That bringing Sabrina back is only one of the solutions, the other one, more _final_ , would be to slit your own wrists and join her. But even that, that’s a gamble, she did something noble, she sacrificed herself, you can not be a coward, and you don’t know in what plane she is and you don’t know where your soul might end up.

What if you’re not together after all?

You take a deep breath as the bartender mumbles something, you don’t hear it, you can’t hear it, and you barely register that he’s leaving. But eventually, you’re alone with her, with the djinn and after another moment of silence, she finally speaks.

“Sit down. You must be exhausted, after all, you have been looking for _us_ for a while, Nicholas Scratch.”

She whispers and yet you hear her, you didn’t tell her your name or your intentions and yet she knows then. You don’t question it, after all, you’ve seen those past few months, you’ve learned not to ask questions out loud and instead, you do as you’re instructed. There are pillows all over the floor, how didn’t you notice it before, did she just make them appear, anyway, you sit down, your face finally breaking, finally honest, you’re _desperate_.

“Can you do it then? Can you bring her back from the dead?” 

“ _We_ can do many things Nicholas Scratch, but everything has a price, if you ask this of _us_ , there will be a price to pay.” 

“Then... name your price and let’s see if I can afford it.” 

You sound almost happy saying that, maybe you do, you want to know if you’re closer to Sabrina or if you’re still miles away. You need the truth, so you won’t raise your hopes up. 

“Fine. _We_ need only a name to give you a price.”

“Spellman, her name is Sabrina Spellman.” 

Sabrina Spellman, you want to add, the woman you loved and the woman who loved you back, you, despite everything, despite your flaws, despite all the hurt, the pain, and everything you did inflict on her. You did love her, you do love her, you need her.

You don’t say that, those words are for you, for Sabrina and the djinn remains silent, she does, instead, make a gesture with her right hand, twists her wrist and suddenly a mirror is her hand. The mirror is placed over a candle and she touches delicately the surface, whispering Sabrina’s name. And you wait, wait for her answer, to know if the goddess of wishes can do it, if she can grant you this wish or not. She frowns and you find yourself frowning too.

“ _We_ can see that your beloved is far away, trapped in between two realms.”

“But can you bring her back?”

“ _We_ can. However, Nicholas Scratch, it will require a great amount of power, a trip there, into the unknown could kill _us_ , and _we_ require power, just power. This will be your price if you want your beloved back, just power.” 

The djinn raises her eyes from the mirror and your gazes meet and you find yourself nodding, because it’s a price you’re willing to pay. Before you fully understand what you are ready to offer and to give up. **Power**. Your warlock powers, your nature, what you are, the reason you signed your name into the book of the Beast so many decades ago... You are frozen to the spot, because the price is not so crazy after all, no one else has to die or to suffer for you to get what you want, to have your wish granted. She’s coming back to you, she’s so _close_.

“And it’ll be her right? It’ll be Sabrina, nothing hidden, no tricks, her soul intact.”

“Of course warlock, _we_ guarantee it. Just like _we_ can guarantee that you will be mortal then, you’ll be powerless, vulnerable to diseases and you will age slowly.”

The warning is very clear and if the djinn means to scare you, it’s quite the opposite, there is a smile on your face now, a real one a genuine one, because the pain is going to disappear, replaced by something better, something sweeter, and Sabrina will wrap her arms around you, kiss you and make it all better.

A few years with her, a peaceful, simple quiet life, all of that, for your warlock powers? 

You are ready to pay that price. 

“ **Sold**. Do it. Bring her back.”

“ _We_ will do it.”

“Are you ready?” 

“Yes.”

The moment the word leaves your lips, the djinn leans into your space, and strong hands, very strong hands grab your face, cup both your cheeks and soft lips are being pressed against your forehead. This kiss isn’t soothing however, it hurts, yes it _hurts_ , it’s like your head and your entire body is being split in half, you scream. It is stronger than you and you feel the fissure going deep, deep inside of you, it starts at the base of your skull and it goes deeper, deeper inside of your body and inside your _soul_. And you scream, you thought you knew pain, this is something bigger, something greater, taking a hold of you and searching your insides and your soul, for that power, for that price you agreed to pay.

So you scream the only thing that makes sense, you yell her _name_ , you shout it with and without reason, hoping it will be the first thing she hears when she comes back, and you pray to all of the gods that it works, that she comes back.

It’s your last coherent thought before everything becomes black, before your body gives in and you are remade, born again, this time, just as a man.

—

You float.

You are being washed ashore, and there is warm water around you... or maybe not, maybe you’re just a solid mass on the ground but that’s how it feels. After the pain, there is some sort of calm, a peace that you never thought you could feel again. You keep your eyes shut a little bit longer, this is nice, being in someone’s arms, that hand gently stroking your hair and that _humming_.

_“I am sixteen going on seventeen, I know that I'm naïve...”_

And you know that voice, of course, you know that voice, it’s her voice, that sweet angelic voice that you heard the first time at the Academy during practice and immediately catching your attention.

You open your eyes and there she is, Sabrina, brand new and reborn just like you and she holds you tight, you’re nested in her arms, and she keeps singing, only stopping when she notices that you are awake.

“Spellman, unholy shit, is that really _you_?”

“Yes, Nick, it’s me... I... I’m here, I don’t know how it’s possible, but I’m here and I...”

You move, you move to kneel in front of her and that’s when you finally realize that she’s completely naked, you’ve seen her like this before, but this somehow feels different, it’s like you're seeing her for the very first time and she looks so beautiful. You’re the one grabbing her face and you kiss her, you kiss Sabrina like you’ve dreamed of kissing her during all of those nights and you smile against her lips as she kisses you back, completely and fully. You kiss her like a madman. You know that you’re probably too harsh, too hard, and one of your hands loses itself into her white hair, pulling and bringing her close. Oh, you want her close, _closer_ , you want to be with her, near her, in her, be all that she sees, begin when she ends and never let go. You have to part for air and you take notice that the djinn isn’t here, you two are alone in the room, it’s still raining, so you trail kisses, from the corner of her lips to her collarbone. You rediscover her soft skin and she moans and shivers against you, whispering _Nick_ as her own hands are on your back, caressing your shoulders and tugging at the fabric of your coat. You want to be naked too, you need to be on equal terms so she can touch you too. 

You put some distance between you two, just so you can take the coat off your shoulders and Sabrina smiles at you, that little smile that no one else gets to see but you, and the one that signals that she is interested.

“Oh, you think you’re _so smooth_ Nicholas Scratch...” Sabrina says the words with tears in her eyes, you know they’re happy tears, she’s happy to be here, to be with you and you suspect you have the same expression on your face. So you take her hands, you kiss them both, slowly, from her wrist to her fingers, pressing your lips to the knuckles gently because you love those hands and she will make you come undone and claim you with those hands, that’s what you want, that’s all you need. You can feel her gaze on you, studying you, looking down at you and what you’ve become in her absence, you’ve been so lost, you want to apologize. You finally look up to her as you place her hands, kissed by your lips, on your neck, right there on the collar of the shirt you are still wearing.

“Nick I... of course _I want you_ , but what did you do? What did you have to give up to bring me back?” Sabrina strokes your neck as she asks the question out loud, you shiver under her touch, yes, that’s exactly what you needed, what you’ve been missing.

“It’s okay Spellman, it’s nothing I really needed.” You say that freely, with a smile, your heart beating fast, beaming, because that’s really her and she tries to smile, but she does look a little bit sad too, she’s trying to imagine the price and you lean in, capture her mouth with yours, kissing her again and this time, Sabrina fumbles with the buttons of your shirt. _Yes_ , you can’t help but think. She pushes the shirt away quickly, you are now topless, still far away from naked, gentle fingers caress the skin of your abdomen and you never felt so alive, you know it. You gasp and moan under every single one of her touches, as she maps out your entire chest slowly, discovering you, and you feel as if no one has ever touched you before, it’s slow, it’s exquisite this torture, as both you and Sabrina are kneeled on the ground so close to each other and when she kisses your collarbone, you moan in her neck. She goes lower, her lips leave no inches untouched and your blood seems to boil in your veins as she kisses the lower part of your abdomen, so close to your pants, because you need her, you need her now.

“Please Nick, tell me, I won’t be mad I swear, I just want to _know_.”

“It’s nothing Sabrina.” You don’t often call her Sabrina and she frowns hearing her name that. “I paid it, I paid everything, I paid the price on my own, just me.” You say this as you push the white hair away from her face, she is beautiful, so sweet, so pretty, your _everything_. “The answer was power, it was so simple, that’s all I had to give away.” You press your forehead to hers as you give her the answer and confess what you did. You watch as her eyes widen, as Sabrina takes in everything you are saying, everything you are admitting.

“Nick... _no, no, no,_ tell me you didn’t...” She shakes her head right against yours and one single tear falls from her eyes and you wipe it away, quickly, with your thumb and your thumb ends up in your mouth as you suck in the salty tear, because it comes from her, it comes from Sabrina. “You’re mortal?” Sabrina whispers against your lips and she leans in next, pressing hard kisses against your mouth, your cheeks, your temple.

“All of those delicious gifts, they mean nothing to me if I don’t have you in my life, Spellman. You... you’re all the power I need.”

“I love you, Nicholas Scratch, always have and always will.”

“I love you too, Spellman.”

And with that, she seals everything you are feeling and everything you just gave up with a kiss, a long one at that, and you’re not even surprised when she pushes you against the ground, against the coat you just took off. Sabrina needs you and you need her. You smile so brightly as she straddles you and you can’t help yourself, your hands cup her breasts, touching anything you can reach and because it’s yours, the way she is yours. Sabrina smiles, she giggles a little bit, leaning in, all the way down to kiss you and touch you everywhere.

You’re alive, you realize how touch-starved you have been in her absence and soon, both of your moans fill the room as you don’t even part for air, just for a few mere seconds, kissing, licking, and biting anything that you can reach. Finally, when Sabrina has had enough of the teasing, she unbuckles your belt and she pushes the rest of your clothing away. Finally, you are naked, just like her and you barely have any time to breathe, to stick two fingers into her mouth, that Sabrina, the woman you love, is already claiming you.

She is on top and you’re inside of her, you are _one_ and it is such bliss, so perfect, so unique and no feeling in the world could ever replace that. “I love you Nicholas Scratch.” Sabrina whispers the words, repeats them as she moves, as her hips move and she shows you how much she does love you, how much you are hers and what you are going to do, every day, for the rest of your life. And you are reduced to a writhing mess underneath the witch, right where you belong, hands on her hips, encouraging her, guiding her, angling her core right, just so you can come back and bury yourself against her and have her moan your name and your name only.

_“Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick...”_

_“Fuck, Spellman, come here.”_

It’s too much, it’s not enough, you are aware of it, you want more, you want it all, and yes, and you move, you sit up, with your head in her chest, your frown glistening with sweat, both arms wrapped around her as she moves up and down, kissing your forehead, you know you’ve got your whole world in your arm.

You don’t need anything more but this, just a few years of this and you’ll go happily and the rest of the world can have her. It’s your last coherent thought before you sneak one hand between your two bodies, you need Sabrina right now, you need her to let go, you need her to almost die in your arms and you know you’ve succeeded when everything around you becomes tighter and it’s harder to move, to think, to breathe. You’re nothing, you’re everything, you grunt, she’s close, you are too, you’re hers, you’re Nick, her Nick, _her Nicholas_ and that only and it’s with that thought in mind that you bring you both, other the edge. Both moaning each others’ names, both satisfied, content and both shaking.

It takes you some time to come back to your senses and when you do, you are back on the ground, in your coat, Sabrina on top of you, she’s kissing your collarbone, gently, looking up to you, and you hold her tighter against you.

“Are you sure you won’t regret it?” Sabrina whispers, face suddenly full of guilt and you can’t help but smile, because how can she think you’ll consider that option? You grab her chin, lift her face up, just to study it and your smile grows bigger.

“Never. I didn’t have much of life before you Spellman, I’m yours, for the rest of my days, I’m yours.”

And that, you know, is a promise you can keep. 

**Author's Note:**

> There you go ❤️  
> Feedback is always appreciated.


End file.
